Finding “Your” Therapist
My friend and guest on the BrightSpot podcast, Eric Chase suggests finding your therapist is like dating. Now, I’m NOT saying you romantically date your therapist. This would be a huge red flag and you should immediately stop talking with any therapist who suggests a romantic relationship. This is a BIG ethical no-no on the part of the therapist and is a sure way for the therapist to lose their license. But I digress!
Where was I? Oh yes, date to find your therapist. You don’t have to see the first therapist you meet. You can date as many therapists as you need to find the one the best fits you and your needs. The second biggest predictor of whether you will change via therapy is the relationship between you and your therapist. The biggest predictor is whether you want to change, but if you’re reading this post, I’m gonna guess you want to change. So why not give yourself the best chance at change and find your “one.”
One positive of the pandemic, is that it forced therapists to adapt and offer virtual sessions. Like online dating, this has increased the number of therapists that are available to you. You’re no longer restrained to therapists within driving distance. You can find a therapist who specializes in the issue(s) that you find yourself struggling with AND have chemistry with.
Setting up your Profile—What are you looking for?
Similar to how you think about what you’re looking for in a mate, you’re going to want to think about what characteristics you’re looking for in a therapist? Do you have a preference on any of the following characteristics?
Gender
Age
Religious/Spiritual
Ethnicity/Race/Culture
Language
LGBTQIA+
Scrolling through your Matches—Creating a list of therapists to date:
The most user-friendly website is Psychology Today. This website allows you to choose the characteristics you listed in the previous step, including state. Most therapists are only licensed in one or two states, meaning, they are only allowed to see clients who are physically in the state where the therapist is licensed. For example, Dr. Mata is a licensed clinical child psychologist in Ohio. So she can only treat people who are physically in Ohio at the time of sessions. Once you select all what you’re looking for, the website will provide you a list, including pictures. Read their bios and create a short list for those who you’d like to schedule an initial session with.
Another website, would be: Locator.apa.org. But keep in mind this site only lists psychologists (folks with doctorates, PhD or PsyD) whereas Psychology Today lists master level therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists (folks who earned a medical degree and can prescribe medicine).
Another option is searching for therapists by your state. In your favorite internet search engine, type the state you live in followed by “board of psychology locator.” For example, I typed in “Ohio board of psychology locator” and this website to search for clinical psychologists in Ohio popped up.
I also tried it for Illinois (didn’t work) and Michigan (did work). No, I did not try all 50 states, ain’t nobody got time for that!
If you can pinpoint the issue your experiencing, for example, anxiety, you can search if there’s a specialty clinic in your area or at least within your state. You do this by typing, “anxiety specialty clinic near me.”
If online dating seems a little overwhelming and you tend to be more old school, you can always do a tried-and-true method…ask people for recommendations! With 25% of the general population experiencing a psychological disorder, I think you will know at least a few people who have seen a therapist before. Ask your loved ones, friends, doctors. If someone you know has found their therapist, then ask them about the practice that their therapist is a part of. Heck, if they really like their therapist, and their therapist fits your list of characteristics, you could always try their therapist.
Scheduling the First Date—The Initial Evaluation
So now you have your short list of therapists that you want to date. What’s next?
Contact the therapist and ask if they’re accepting new clients. If they are, great! Get scheduled! If they aren’t, don’t just stop there! Ask the therapist if they have any recommendations. Not every therapist is listed on the websites I previously mentioned or is searchable on the internet. Therapists, especially those at a specialty clinic, will know of other good therapist with that specialty.
Keep in mind the therapist you’re interested in may have a waitlist. That’s why you want to contact a few places and get on multiple therapists’ schedules. We want as many irons in the fire as we can get and no this is not you being a gigolo or a floozy. We are searching for “your” therapist, not just any therapist, and we want to increase your odds!
The First Date—The Initial Evaluation
Think of the initial evaluation as a coffee date. And It’s kind of the best coffee date because they’ll ask questions about you and will not (at least I hope not, and if they do, they’re not your therapist) talk about themselves.
During the initial evaluation, notice your feelings and thoughts. Do you feel connected to them? Do you believe they are listening to you? Basically, do you feel chemistry with them? Do they seem competent, and do they discuss a treatment plan with you at the end of your initial evaluation?
If you answered yes to all these questions, then schedule your first session and consider canceling your other initial evaluations. Or you can wait to cancel your other initial evaluations until you’re a few sessions in with this therapist and make sure they’re “your” therapist.
If you answered no to any of these questions, it’s okay, there’s other fish, I mean therapists. Thank them for their time and don’t schedule a session. Then go to your next initial evaluation and repeat the steps in this section.
And if at any time, they fall asleep in the initial evaluation, feel free to walk out the door! I wish I was making this up, but I’ve seen a few posts about therapists falling asleep, this is unacceptable, and there are better therapists out there. And if this does unfortunately happen to you, please think of this therapist as a terrible first date who you never spoke to again.
My worst first date was a guy I met online, a free online dating site, not the one where I paid good money and surprise surprise I met my husband. We planned to meet at a sports bar to watch a Chicago Bears game. He showed up 20 minutes late in a sweatpants suit (this happened before athletic leisure was a thing), tells me that he has to blow into a device before his car will start because he had too many DUIs, AND then wants to play pool instead of watch the game! Um, yeah, no!
Have specific questions about finding “your” therapist, feel free to contact us! One of us would be happy to spend some time with you. Simply schedule a consultation.